Photograph
by Silberwolf97
Summary: Steve promised to come back home to Bucky. He didn't.


Bucky sat at home, fidgeting with his phone. He had had an argument with Steve the morning. They parted in anger and frustration and it was horrible. Maybe half an hour after Steve left for his mission, Bucky started to feel immense guilt and regret at having left Steve to go this way.

It was half past nine in the evening. Steve had promised he'd come home and they'd talk about it. Bucky was so nervous that he couldn't even remember what they had been fighting about. He had the vague memory of Steve saying something about Bucky being unreasonable, but that was about all he could remember.

Bucky had been going about his day as per usual when Steve wasn't home, cleaning the kitchen and living room, then sitting down and reading. He had avoided the news with persistence, he didn't want to see Steve fight and probably get angry all over again, because the punk was always so damn _reckless_.

But as of now, it was ten by now, he had turned on the TV to see if there was _anything_ about the fight, any information on Steve. Because Bucky tried texting him and calling him and gained no response whatsoever.

He started pacing the room, back and forth and back again. As soon as he had turned the TV on, FRIDAY or whatever this thing was called turned it off again, saying it was "Captain's orders". It was an AI and still, Bucky felt as if something was off.

It sounded almost nervous.

Ten went by and Bucky stopped counting time. Steve had said that it was a short mission close by, so he'd be home by nine. Well, obviously he wasn't and his partner was growing anxious. His feet drew him through their entire home and he cleaned the kitchen a second time.

It turned eleven and Steve still wasn't home, Bucky had cleaned the kitchen and went to preparing dinner. They'd just eat when Steve came back. Bucky made Mac and Cheese. Steve loved it ever since Sam had made it the first time and Bucky thought that it would help soften the blow he was about to receive.

Somewhere between half past ten and ten minutes before eleven, he had remembered what they had been fighting about and realized that it was his fault. Steve had said, that Bucky was to stay home until further notice and Bucky disobeyed that order one too many times for Steve to notice, so that was that.

Bucky had gotten angry and said that if Steve had even a little lick of self-preservation, he, Bucky, wouldn't have to come follow his sorry punk's ass every time. And then, Steve had gotten angry and said, that Bucky was in no position to talk about self-preservation, taking into count that he almost killed himself to get away from HYDRA.

Bucky had shouted that, yes, he tried because he didn't want to _hurt_ Steve. Because he had been afraid to turn back into the Winter Soldier again and kill Steve this time. He had tried before, he remembered as much.

And then Steve had gone full-out and almost screamed at Bucky that he had said countless times that what Bucky did as the Winter Soldier wasn't his fault. And then, Steve had said what had hurt Bucky the most. Steve had said that he was tired of Bucky saying the same stuff over and over again and that Bucky should start to think instead of running around with his brain shut off.

Bucky had almost kicked him out the flat for that comment and shortly after Steve left, he had started crying. Steve was tired of his problems, Steve was tired of him! He should have known all along, that they wouldn't work out. Bucky _was_ a monster after all.

By the time the clock on the wall showed midnight, Bucky's phone went off. It was Steve's number and Bucky picked up a little too eager. "Steve, you said you'd be home by nine so we can talk. I-", he was cut off as Steve said: "Buck... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that this morning. I'm not tired of you, I was angry and worried. I'm afraid to loose you again, Buck, that's why I was so angry..."

Bucky bit back what he had to say and only made a sound to show he acknowledged Steve's words. There was silence on the other end, then: "Wait for me to come home, Buck... I'm sorry. I love you."

It was heavy and the sadness and resignation behind it shook Bucky to tears. "Whaddaya talkin' bout, pal. Ya always made it home, this time ain't gonna be an exception", Bucky rambled and forced himself to smile thought heavy tears clouded his vision already.

He heard his own voice and nearly winced. Bucky knew that his Brooklyn accent came out thicker when he wasn't in full control of his emotions and Steve knew him for all their lives, so he knew that too.

"Ya remember that Chinese restaurant ya wanted to go? We can go there instead of eatin' home, whaddaya say about that, Stevie?", Bucky said and concentrated on every single breath Steve took.

A joyless laugh that ended in bad coughing got Bucky's attention and he couldn't help the choked sob as he saw that Stark (Tony, not Howard) and the woman, Natasha her name was, where in front of their door.

"Sounds great, Buck...", Steve said and Bucky heard his heavy breathing, the desperate intake of air as his lungs filled with one last ragged breath. "Don't ya even dare to be late, Rogers. I will hold it against you for the rest of our lives", Bucky said and his voice quivered badly. At first, Steve didn't answer. Then:

"I'll be trying my worst. I love you, Buck. Always remember that..."

Silence. "Steve?", Bucky asked, trying to keep the tears in his eyes from his voice. "Steve?", he asked more afraid. No answer. The knocks on the door where loud against the silence from the phone and as Bucky opened the door, he had his phone still tightly clutched in his left hand and the fresh tears running down his faces.

Tony and Natasha looked at him and the sadness in their faces was like and imminent threat. "No...", Bucky whispered quietly and shook his head. Tony took a step forward and handed Bucky Steve's shield. It was covered in blood and Bucky knew it was Steve's own.

Natasha handed him a small black box and as he saw the tears on her face and how Stark did his best _not_ to cry, Bucky broke. He slumped down in the door frame as suddenly all his strength left his body, the shield and the box tightly clutched against his aching chest.

He felt his throat tighten as oxygen became scarce and the hot streaks of his tears where burning against the cold that took over his body. Bucky felt that Stark moved him inside and to the couch, but he didn't care. Steve was gone, so why was he still alive?

He should have died in Steve's place. He should have been there, sharing his lover's last moments with him. Not on the phone, pretending as if everything was okay and Steve would be home soon and they'd go out to eat and lay in bed and kiss each other good night.

It was impossible now. Steve was dead. It took Bucky hours to get it back together. He eventually opened the box and another choked sob made his throat burn. There was a ring inside, silver with a small blue star on top. And a small letter.

 _Bucky,_

 _my beloved Bucky,_

 _I had planned to go eating at that restaurant we wanted to go to._

 _I wanted to have a big party, to celebrate that we won._

 _'wanted' because if you're reading this, I am dead and there's nothing much I can to about that._

 _I wanted to ask you if you'd marry me, in front of all the others. I want them to know._

 _They are our friends._

 _Our wedding would be so beautiful. I love seeing you in formal clothing, you look so good with them. Everywhere would be white and roses and you. I would be the happiest man on earth, if you'd say yes. So..._

 _James Buchanan Barnes_

 _Will you marry me?_

 _Steve_

Bucky blinked past the tears and a small smile as he whispered "Yes, I will" and slipped the ring on his finger. And he waited for Steve to come home. He promised to come back after all.


End file.
